Think, think, think!

When interviewed about 'Being Cyrus', Saif Ali Khan said that he was interested in the movie because acting out a character in the language which he thought in would be different.

Now, this was how long ago?...I don't remember. But ever since then, I have been trying to figure out what language I think in. It's not as easy as it seems. The figuring out part, I mean.

The first thing that you attempt to do in the process is to clear your mind so that you can 'hear' your thoughts clearly. When you fail miserably, you settle for the best that you could do.And then you listen, or at least, try to. When I did that, I heard, 'Oookaaay,what language am I thinking in?'. All right. So my mind speaks English. Cool. Matter settled.
But that was sorta easy, right? You bet!

A couple of weeks later, I was looking up stuff about the all-important Seebeck Effect on the Internet and my mother was watching a lame soap on TV. The character (a mother-in-law) was 'thinking' up of new ways to make others' lives miserable [Surprise!Surprise!]. All right. So she thinks in Hindi. Good for her. Do I think in Hindi? "Arrey, nahi yaar", I thought. Wait a sec, wasn't that Hindi? Nice. My mind is bilingual.

It doesn't stop just there. Once I did something really dumb. Too dumb to be mentioned here. And for some unknown reason, I thought of what one of my friends, who comes up with the funniest criticisms in Malayalam, would say. And I did think of something. Not only that, I continued to imagine the whole situation in my mind, in Malayalam.Great. I can't even speak Malayalam but my mind can.My brilliant brain can think in 3 languages.

Apart from this, whenever I spoke in Gujarati, I found myself thinking in the same language later on for some time. Four.

So what is the answer to my quest for finding out the language in which I think? Is there no difference between the languages that we speak in and think in? After a LOT of contemplation, I could come up with just one solution.So here it goes.

Our mind doesn't have a language. It just thinks. It considers stuff and we just know it. It Imagines. Imagination doesn't need a language. And whenever you catch yourself 'thinking' in a language, it's just you imagining of conversing with someone, maybe yourself, or even of writing something. Maybe our thoughts are our conversations with ourselves. I don't know. I am not sure. Maybe I'll never know. Maybe I will.

So as I conclude, I ask you (if you are still reading that is), what language does your mind think in?

Blessing In Disguise.

Don't you get it?
You don't mean anything anymore.
Nothing.
Stay there. I here.
Pretence of concord is just that: pretence.

Was. Is not.
Did. Do not. Don't want to.
Eye-opener.
Learning from mistakes is something that I've learnt.

Breaking trust, breaks all.
Rejoined by friends, most precious.
Comprehension of the value of Friendship.
Bliss!

Ode To An Odyssey.

Gone is the time when there was time,
Now ‘tis no more.

Time, treasured times
Of thoughts, tears and smiles,
Of love, joy and spirit,

The company, sufficient.
The emotions, abundant.
The bond, ceaseless, most powerful.

Every unsaid glance, comprehended.
Every need, friended.
Every secret, shared.
Every heart, bared.

Age of friendship, insignificant.
It’s span, eternal.
Value of the tears, with the smiles, at par.
Lesson from every experience, gained.
No regrets, no amends desired.
The past formed them, the present values them and the future will cherish them: Memories.
Complete elucidation, impossible.
Inexpressible for lack of words.
Gratitude for friendship, limitless, understated.
Thank You.

Friend...Philosopher...and Guide.

As Coleridge suggested in his poem, Kubla Khan, life is made up of contradictions and one of these is that of meeting and parting. Human beings, being the social animals that they are, meet plenty of people in their lives. The sadness of parting with these people is directly proportional to the influence and impression that they leave behind.

We never thought that our school life would bring us such a moment; yet it did take shape when our beloved English Teacher, Mrs. Lakshmi Nair announced her decision to leave.

Popularly called LT (=Lakshmi Teacher) by the student community, she was one of those teachers whom everyone was afraid of. Just the knowledge that LT was in a 10 metre radius was enough to get the students to maintain pin-drop silence and sit straight with every muscle tensed until she passed by.

It's interesting how absence makes you realize the true value of someone. We took it for granted that LT would always be there. But on hearing her decision to leave, it became quite next to impossible to picture school without her. Frankly speaking, most of us weren't big fans of poetry till class XI. But gone are the days when we found poetry boring. From Day-1, LT brought poetry to life (no cliché intended). She dedicatedly gave us ample background information about the poet and the poem before actually starting with the poem. Her interpretations of the poems and stories really made you think. She had her own way of teaching, a way that lead every one of her students to imagine the scene perfectly in her mind. Poetry class soon became something to look forward to in the weekly time-table. It was struck off from 'The Bunkable Classes List'.

LT could speak about anything and everything, and you would just stare amazedly at her. She didn't have to try too hard to inspire people. She wiped away my notion that poetry was for boring people. I tried my hand at poetry and writing and would like to think that she would be proud of my work.

Besides her teaching, she is a great person. Everything about her, from the way she carries herself, to her witty comments, is etched deep in our memory. She has the power to intimidate you; yet, you can't help yourself from respecting and loving her. The friendly smile that she graced us with once in a while, her scoldings full of love, and her talks and advice about life, are just a few of the hundreds of things that we are going to miss about her.

She was more than just a teacher to us…she was our friend, philosopher and guide in her own way.

She said that the school will find a better and more capable poetry teacher. But we can't even begin to imagine that. To us, she is THE best poetry teacher. She said that our outburst of emotion at her leaving was momentary and that we would get over it soon. Whether we get over it or not, we will always feel the same way about her. We will always remember her as the lady who taught us the poetry of life, the lady who was dedicated to her work, the lady who made her sarees look good, the lady who always had a good-hair-day with her nose-ring at just the right spot.

But as they say, all good things must come to an end. Though all of us knew that parting was imminent, we always pictured it to be us who would be leaving her. But the Almighty had other plans and it was her leaving us. Another thing that, the earlier mentioned, they say is that "Distance makes the heart grow fonder". Turns out that they really know what they are talking about; because we really miss her.

All we have left are a thousand unforgettable memories and her blessings. Parting came sooner than expected, but all the same, we all hope that she enjoys her life after school, keeps good health and that God blesses her with His choicest blessings…Our dear Poetry Teacher…our dearest LT.

Ahem...

Ankahi paheli hoon mein,
Koshish na karo mujhe suljhaane ki.
Bhool bhulaiyen mai phas jaaoge,
Umeed na karo baahar aane ki.


Yippppeeee! My first Hindi thing! Thank you!Thank you!

Exagerrated? No, the me doesn't think so. If you do, then...I don't really care.

Quick Tip.

The next time you blow your birthday cake candle or see a shooting star in the sky or blow a fallen eyelash off the back of your palm, wish for something worthwhile like 'bring about world peace and communal harmony' or 'find a cure for AIDS' or 'stop global warming' or 'let Bush not be re-elected'. At least then, you will know for sure that the wish failed due to reasons beyond your control and not because you did something wrong. Better yet, don't make wishes. Your wishes won't fail if you didn't make any in the first place. Consequently, no hopes crushed.

Silver Lining II

Do you hear that?
No? Listen carefully.
There, that is the sound of deceit.
What about now?
Yes,the shattering of hopes, breaking of dreams.

The cause?
It.
It came, stayed, left.
No reasons, just excuses,
Leaving behind an empty space, a hole.

The cloud was dark, stormy.
When it left, things much more meaningful filled the hole.
The knowledge of what's important, what's not,
The wisdom of what's real, what's fake,
The difference between what's permanent, what's temporary,
The value of promises made, words said,
The determination to improve, to excel.
Amazing, isn't it?
After all, Experience is the best teacher.

Is this what they call the silver lining?
Must be.
The cloud has gone into non-existence, a faint memory,
And the lining has wiped away the streaks that it left.

Silver lining.

Maybe you need these kinds of experiences to know life.
To know what people are really like.To distinguish between the real and the fake.
To know who will stand by you till the end and who will avoid you when things go bad.
I'm not saying that all must undergo these experiences, but once you do, the silver lining of the dark cloud,the shitty dark cloud, is that you come to know of all these things.
I wish the dark cloud never came to me.But now I have the silver lining.

17 Adjectives.

Abandoned,
Deserted,
Lost,
Stranded.

Distracted,
Unaware,
Indifferent,
Disconnected.

Cheated,
Deceited,
Fooled,
Tricked.

Lied to,
Heartbroken,
Alone,
Lifeless.

Finished.

~!*#####*!~

Confusion,
Blankness,
Frustration.
Words cannot describe the situation.

Transpose of the cofactor of the determinant?
Or cosine of the inverse of secant?
If man was bright enough to find it,
Then why was he not kind enough to keep it to himself?

His life was simple without the logarithm,
Now its complicated with integration.
Waging war with complex numbers,
Differentiating leads him to a zillion blunders.

If man wanted to share his knowledge,
Why didn't he do it with ready minds?
Instead, he boasted about the measures of dispersion,
Forcing upon others his bloody finds.

Confusion,
Blankness,
Frustration.
Can words describe the situation?

regret

As soon as da lil pup entered Her house She knew dat dis ws da beginning of a special relationship between it n Her. Der ws a big discussion over wat da pup shud b named…’Pepper’ Her sis called out…naah…not glamorous enuf…’Velvet’ sum1 els suggested…no…still nt gud enuf…She wanted it to b named ‘Poopsy’…”no,no, v cant hav dat…dat is Xavier uncle’s step-sister’s name” Her mom said…”but hw abt Pepsi?”…dat sounded gud to Her…yea…Pepsi will b a gud name…So Pepsi it ws…

Pepsi, as it turned out, ws a very naughty pup…it lukd like a moving carpet whneva it walked…She got very attached to it…

As time passed…Pepsi grew n so did their relationship…wheneva She came bak frm skool,Pepsi will b der waiting fr Her…wid nothing but love in her eyes…a quick pat on da head ws all dat Pepsi needed…it followed Her around da house…ate da most funniest things fr a dog to b eatin like peanuts n watermelons…during bath-time,Pepsi ws da most patient dog dat one cud wish fr…it actually enjoyed da water…She ws happy…she had other pet dogs too,but Pepsi ws her favorite…Pepsi ws special…

Da best bday gift dat She cud ask fr ws given to Her by Pepsi…yes,on Her bday,Pepsi gave birth to 5 of da most cutest pups on earth!...She felt like it ws only yesterday dat Her Pepsi herself ws a pup…but nw,der Pepsi ws, nursing her own pups…

Time passed by…Pepsi gave birth to more pups…Her’s n Pepsi’s relationship grew closer n closer wid each passin day…She dint knw dat the fateful day will soon arrive when She wud wish dat She cud turn bak time…

The fateful day came…Her dad had called Her out to close da gate after he leaves wid da car to work…She bent n looked down to chek if any of Her dogs ws sleepin under da car…Pepsi ws der,sleepin…she ws at da end of da car…nowhere near da tires…da car wud move without scratchin her quite easily…She dint bother to move Pepsi…Her dad started da car…n drove it outside da house…She turned bak to see where Pepsi ws…but Pepsi wsnt where she ws just 10 seconds ago…she ws abt 4ft away frm da place where she ws resting…her head ws oozing blood profusely…She didn’t knw wat to do…She called out to Her dad…”dad!wait up!...look at Pepsi”...Da next 2 hrs wr da worst of Her life…They had taken Pepsi to da vet n She had been cryin throughout…”its all my fault”,She thought…da worst thots kept on entering Her mind…”Will my Pepsi make it thru dis?...oh pls God pls let her live…I’l neva 4give myself if she dusnt”…the doctors did da best that they cud do…they said dat nw its up2 Pepsi’s body, up2 whether it is capable of recovering or nt …”Of cors it is!...hw can Pepsi ever leav me like dis n go?”…They went bak home n fr nearly a week She saw her dearest friend struggling wid life…She dint tell her frnds abt hw bad it ws fr Her to cope up wid dis…they wudnt understand it anyways…The doctors had started to advice dat Pepsi shud b put to sleep…”NO! Hw can any1 ever think of sumthin so cruel!”,She thot…”My Pesi wil make it thru dis”…

One day, as Pepsi ws resting, one of her pups dat ws blind sniffed da air n walked up rite next to her…She ws lookin…lookin at hw a helpless mother ws bidding farewell to her helpless pup…n den She knew…knew dat Her most beloved dog wudnt make it…She ran bak to Her room n started crying uncontrollably…She dint realize when She had fallen asleep…

Her mom woke Her up in wat seemed like 2 minutes but whn She glanced at da clock,it had been 2 hrs…”so wat?..y ws her mom waking her up like dis?dint she knw hw bad she felt?”…n then Her mum told what She had been dreading to hear fr da past 1 week…”Pepsi has passed away beta”…Her whole world bcame still…”this cant b true…I just saw her outside a lil while ago!”…She went out to luk fr Herself…there Pepsi ws…lying on an old bedsheet…she ws surely just sleeping…She went n touched her…She wished She hadn’t…coz She knew dat She had touched da firm lifeless body of Her dog…She burst out crying…Her parents dint know wat to say to Her,hw to comfort Her…Then mum sat next to Her,wiped away Her tears n asked Her to stop crying n listen fr a bit…She did…Her mum started,”listen beta…I’m nt asking u to completely 4get Pepsi…coz I knw dat its nt possible fr u…it wont b possible fr any of us…all I say is dat,Pepsi wont b happy to see u cry like dis,will she?...so just tuck her away in a corner of ur heart…keep her alive as a sweet memory in ur mind”…”I’l try”,She said…

Pepsi ws buried in their backyard…She put a rose frm the garden over her grave n went bak inside da house…She noticed dat no1 ws makin any noise…all wr thinking…remembering da lil bundle of energy dat used to walk thru these very rooms… the way she had da perfect black n white stripes as if God himself had painted her…da way da hair in between her eyes looked like a white wine glass…yes,she was definitely a true beauty…was…

Would things be different if She had moved Pepsi frm under da car dat day?...yes…Would she ever forgive herself fr wat had happnd?...not any time soon…will Pepsi forgive her?...She dint knw…She wudnt knw…

That ws that ws 4 yrs ago…nw,She dusnt even remember da date whn Pepsi died…it hurts to try to rem’ber…Her mum wud rem’ber fr sure…Nw,one of da pups dat Pepsi had gifted Her still lives…wid Her…but She hasn’t attached herself to him or any of her other dogs…She knows dat no1 can ever b as special to Her as Pepsi ws…never…She didn’t wanna try it and be hurt all over again…no…She has followed Her mum’s advice n kept Pepsi in Her heart…where she always will b…forever…along wid…Regret.

Forgive & forget?...wat da crap!

So u hav a really bad experience rite? like ur frnd completely backstabs u or somethin like dat...n wat dyu do then?...say a lotta of mental swear words (and a few verbal ones too) n maybe show 'the finger' n walk off promising never to speak to dat person ever again...ya?...well u'r not da only one...( duh!)...so u r walkin nw...fuming no doubt...gawd knows when so many swear words crossed ur mind in under 30 seconds da last time...u reach whereever it ws u planned to reach...n then u ponder...(or maybe nt)...but wateva...my point is dat at one instant or the other, the famous proverb thingy 'forgive n forget' comes across ur mind,rite?...nw i'm not really sure of who exactly came up wid dis idea so lets call da dude (assuming its a guy) Mr.Speeks Crahp(no pun intended)...now my theory is (like u care!) dat a long,long time ago Mr.Speeks Crahp had noffin to do one day n so he thought 'hey...y dont i come up wid sumthin dat dusn't make any sense at all n let the human race follow it for all eternity?'(evil laaf/dumb grin)...n dat's exactly wat hapnd...

Y do i think dat it dusnt make any sense at all u ask?well coz it dusn't(duh!)...u see, God made humans-man n woman he made em...n da only reason dat v hav managed to evolve frm the neanderthals dat v used to b is coz v learnt frm our mistakes...like, fire is hot n dusnt feel nice whn u touch it,so dont touch it...or when u walk off da edge of a cliff,u fall down n break every last bone in ur body n probably won't realize it coz u r dead n all...da point here,ppl, is dat v hav been given dese very enlightening experiences so dat v learn from em n dont repeat em again(unless u r a retard of cors)...i mean,wat's da whole point of having an experience if u dont gain anythin out it?...as it is,forgiving is hard enuf and on top of it Mr.Speeks Crahp here wants us to forget abt it?...talk abt an emotional ripoff!...

Forgiving n stuff is cool...good fr da whole karma thingy...but i think dat the 'forget' part of da proverb is a whole lotta bull (are u readin dis Mr.Speeks Crahp?)...so ppl,go ahead...forgive all u want...but neva forget!(oOoOoOo)